In the aftermath of one of the worst tragedies in American history, we try to live with the fact that the World Trade Center, as we knew it, is gone forever. I know some of the 87 Port Authority employees lost. The weeks following the tragedy, I attended many funerals, more than I have attended in my entire life. It was hard to face the families who lost loved ones. In my attempt to find comforting words to console them, most times the bereaved family members tried to comfort me. Looking into the hapless tear-stained eyes of fathers, so grief-stricken; and mothers, who searched for an explanation, just left me with a terrible empty feeling. No words could soothe the pain of the children of the victims. There was absolutely nothing you could do but pray for the comfort only God could give.
Who can get used to losing someone? Losing someone you once knew is hard, as we all know, but to lose someone in such a horrible way is just unbearable. I’m not going to name any of the victims I knew, but I can still see many of their faces in my mind’s eye; one riding down the escalators waving at me, another sitting on the subway train on her way home from a hard day’s work, another walking into my cubicle just a few days before 9/11 to pick up a report for his boss, and still another walking down the aisle of our floor proudly telling us of a recent purchase of a new home. Each one of them smiling, going about life in their own way. Some were supervisors, clerks, secretaries, police officers.
After the many funerals, all of us ‘survivors’ are still trying to survive, to heal and find closure. Some of us are still shell shocked and must cope with the uneasiness of knowing that life will never be the same. We jump at the slightest sounds, sirens, horns, and fire alarms. Fire drills become traumatic events for us, because walking down stairs for mock evacuations bring back horrible memories. Post-traumatic stress disorder describes the symptoms we are going through. I can go into any strong building; even ones that are made of stone or concrete, and know the building could come down, too. No building feels safe for me anymore.
Only in the minds of us who worked there remember the World Trade Center as it was. Thanks to YouTube, we can see the towers and the plaza in all its glory before 9/11. In our mind’s eyes, we remember every nook and cranny, every stockroom, restroom, closet and conference room. My heart will always be with the old towers.
I was fortunate to have had a wonderful career there, and I hope the new World Trade Center will unveil a whole new world of opportunities and knowledge to future generations as was provided to me.
